Not much in the way of news this month so I am just going to go with the flow. Body and mind are working like clockwork now and its almost to good to be true, but I know it is. I appear to have done the impossible and come off my antidepressants and diazepam for the first time in10years.
I have tried to get off these so many times over the years that I had really given up believing that it could happen.
All this I believe is down to the spiritual healing, after my mind returned to it former self, my body started to reject the antidepressants big time, and against medical advice I just stopped taking them, also the diazepam. I really believe the pain I have been carrying around for years has been removed, and this was my bodies way of saying I do not need them now. It is not something I would advise anyone to do without medical advice, but for me, so far so good. I am feeling on top of the world and have found a feeling of inner peace, in fact I feel so damned happy I want to jump for joy, then I start to wonder is this normal! Well as my friend Lisa said, “isn’t it sad that because you feel so happy you think it might not be normal”, what sort of world do we live in I ask myself? and I am sure I am not alone in that thought.
We are so bogged down with the shear pace of life that we hardly have time to think about being happy, the stresses and strains of making ends meet are a heavy weight to carry and keep smiling. We get into a habit of putting all our effort into achieving our goals, that we hardly stop to think of the cost. The cost is usually our time and energy,leaving us little time to appreciate what we have now, and to enjoy it now!
I have come to realise that what I have now, “is everything”, the most important thing is contentment, that I can walk out of my door and feel that I live in paradise. But what is paradise? I may not have enough money, the house may be a tip, the jobs to do in the house may be piling up, but does this really matter? No! What matters to me is that I can smile and laugh every day.
That said, the last couple of weeks have been very stressful, and yes, one time I was reduced to a heap of tears, but only natural given the pressure, but still have to find some amusement in it all, and also some sense of achievement at actually getting through it!
Working all the Christmas fairs most of the weekends for the past month have been quite exhausting, and not altogether financially successful, but the same for a lot of traders it seems.
At the end of a very long weekend on a Sunday evening, a catalogue of catastrophes started to happen, as I said, not a great day, my friend who was with me was not in a good place, her husband had left her and she was struggling to come to terms with this, so she had come a long to keep herself busy, but it was a roller-coaster of emotions, So cheerful it had to be, at the end of the day it was looking good to get my big van in a good spot to pack up, so off I went to get it, on the way encountered another friend parked next to me, I manoeuvred my van so she could get out, and then my van stopped and would not start again, it was now bucketing down with rain, I rang the breakdown company, only realising I had not a clue where I was never mind pronounce it, so made a mad dash through the rain to find someone that could pronounce it. That done the brake down man arrived in about half hour, mean while, my friend continued to struggle through the pouring rain loading up the van, I peered hopefully under the bonnet as the man shook his head and pointed at belts, scratched his head and looked very grim (and wet) he informed me it could not be driven and it needed to be recovered by the tow truck, and we would be taken home in by taxi. Off he went and we decided to make the most of this interval and wait in the bar, and consume some very large glasses of wine. After an hour had passed I was getting slightly concerned about the taxi, but no sooner had I walked outside than we were being hailed by the taxi driver. This was an experience not to be repeated, after belting ourselves in, the driver and her husband got out a large map and had a big debate about which way to go, we all decided on a direction, and away we went,the map was still out, almost obscuring any vision through the front window. At various junctions we came to a stop and another debate was had, then off we would go again. The weather was still bucketing down, the wind was whipping the trees, and the taxi was haring along at 100km an hour, mostly on little back roads across country, I was starting to feel rather ill, by the time we dropped my friend off I just wanted to get out of the car and walk the rest of the way, I just kept jabbering away in French trying to keep my mind off the mad driving. I got back in one piece, but could not face eating anything when I got home, in fact, when I walked in through the door, George said “ you look very stressed Mum” bit of an understatement! The following few days involved organising getting the van repaired, new cam belt, any profit from the Christmas fairs quickly disappeared. I had a market on the Wednesday so had to drive over an hour to go load up my little van with my stock and bring it home.
Then drive all the way over again on the Friday to pick up the repaired van, which in true French fashion was not ready, even though I had phoned ahead and he promised me it was! So we decided to have a look round the pretty town of Aubertare while they finish off, and of course found a very nice Bar for refreshment.
No sooner had a week gone by, along with a very empty bank account after the cost of van repair, than the water heater in the house sprang a leak tripping off all the electric, the electrics in the house do leave a lot to be desired! But after unplugging the water heater and turning off the water, we at least had electric, but no hot water. Called a plumber the next day, who came and had a look and announced that a new water tank was needed, so after he gave me a quote, and I nearly fell off my chair! I told him to go ahead. This was Saturday morning, Saturday afternoon when I go to start the car, it wont start, it had not been going right for a while, but now it was dead! That just about topped it off, a very large Gin and Tonic was needed, so by the time my friends came round for dinner later I was feeling much better “hic”.
By Tuesday we had our new water fitted and a very overdrawn bank account! The car? Well, still looking a bit sad, and not moving anywhere at all!
Other strange happening have been to do with the lovely French man I met, not that I have seen anything of him, but his new girlfriend, a demented and extremely jealous French women has decided to verbally attack me by private message on face-book, then she got her mates to join in as well! All very new to me this, all a bit childish really, it seems every time things are not going well with them, she starts sending me messages ranting and raving like some deranged hormonal teenager, all this from a 50 something school teacher! George tells me French girls are like this! Girls maybe, but mature women! Its weird, wouldn’t be so bad if I had actually seen him or even spoke to him!what is there to be jealous of for gods sake! Apparently she is going to destroy me! suppose I should be worried if it were not so comical, and a little sad at the same time.
Life, it has to be said, is never dull here, as you can see.
