Been having a few thoughts about this time of year. Christmas is always fun for me, love it, full of good cheer as they say, and I usually am. However this year I am finding it hard to shine through my sadness. Its seems we can battle on regardless of what life throws at us all year round. But then christmas arrives and with it come all thoughts of people who are not here to share it with us. Firstly, thoughts of my son Mark, this will be the second Christmas now since he died. Although I know he is still with me, I am sad he is not in our world anymore.He was such a treasure, and I loved going back to old home to visit him just before christmas. Dont have to do that now, there's a big space there where that was supposed to happen. Things change and we learn to move on, but I still miss him.
Then there is my husband, or ex as I suppose he is now.where the hell do I put all that sadness, and still put a smile on my face. I think of all the christmas passed and it just makes me sad. that it had to come to an end.
.He is coming here for a few days at christmas to see the boys. God only know how I feel about that.mixed feeling.
Why do people have to split up, its a question that seems to be up for dicussion a lot of late.
We debate weather what we have is really what we want, weather we should have something more,or better. And then we spend endless hours wondering what we are going to do about it. Then there are other peoples opinions, which shouldnt matter, but does. I said to a friend the other day, there really are no rules in a marriage, there really is no right way to do it. I think its like a pair of scales.sometimes it balances and other times it does'nt, and when it doesnt balance,is there enough to carry it?should we carry it? umm I'm sure lots of you will have an opinion on that.
Sunday 12 December 2010
Thursday 2 December 2010
Winter Arrives
This last week has seen winter arrive very swiftly. Last friday saw our first fall of snow, much to the delight of the young ones. George stayed over night at a friends house as handball practice was abandoned.
By saturday afternoon the snow had started to disapear enough for me to ferry four of Max's team to their match, a sizeble win of 41 to 30 goals for Max's team. Max sustained a slight knee injury but after offside treatment with some magic foam stuff, and a bit of limping he was back on the pitch and fine.
Last friday was a little stressful and very frustrating to say the least, I will now explain why so many people work on the black in France. They have to, is one simple answer. As a self employed person for five years now, I seem to be somewhat of a problem. If I had a "Proper Job" i.e with a salary, then they wouldnt have a problem topping up my income, the same as tax credits in england. They have my tax forms for the year, they know my income, they have nearly every peice of paperwork fotocopied at least twice. But they will not continue financial help on a regular basis, they give me six months then it comes to an end and i have to start the whole process all over again. To start with there were three reasons why they couldnt help me. 1st: I had'nt been here five years, 2nd: I am English and I must have endless money in a uk bank somewhere, or I must have some family member who could keep us! 3rd I have a small bussiness and so its all to difficult to access my needs. The first time i asked for help they turned me down, a year later I tried again and after a struggle did finally get it. Then it sudenly stopped after six months,after endless phone calls we eventually got someone who thought that I was given a six month payment as a one off. Great! and after that? This six months bussiness has happend twice now, the last time was five months ago. Since then they have just payed me the family allowance which is 120€ a month while they deal with my claim. So how does one live on this while they deal with the claim, well its impossible of course, and if you find other work you are supposed to declaire it, that would mean putting in a whole new claim. And how long would that take? My Bussiness is seasonal so there is little income at the moment, zero this week because of the weather, but I still have to pay 150€ a month to the state each month just to be in bussiness.
So back to the story. Last friday morning I had an appointment with my social worker about the ever growing mountain of unpaid bills and length of time it is taking to deal with my case. In the post that morning brought a letter saying that my six months period of financial help has now come to an end, even though they have yet to pay me any thing. Although letters in French do sometimes baffle me I got the gist of this one. As I sat waiting for my appointment and for my friend to arrive, who speaks fluent French, without who I dont think I would have got this far.I sit with tears rolling down my face, feeling a complete twit as I cannot stop crying. When we get to see the social worker, she also is exasperated and frustrated with the situation and makes a few calls. Her advice to me is as before, I have to close my market stall down and be unimployed, then the benefit will just be paid on a regular basis. unless I do this the same thing will carry on happening. She sent us off to another place where I could get 30€ in cheques. These can be used in a particular supermarket and only on energy. So I continue to wait and try not to worry about unpaid bills. Maybe if we run out of wood I could make a fire with them!
Saturday evening we were cellebrating Thanks Giving with friends, as Lisa is American this is a very special day for her. So an effort was made to dress up, the boys put on there waistcoats, George's has the American Flag on his so it was quite appropriate, Max even wore a tie. We all gave thanks for something of the last year. My thanks go to all my good friends who have helped and supported me over the last year. George gave thanks for the dessert, of which he ate lots!
So another week has passed in a flash, I cannot believe how fast life goes and Xmas just around the corner. This morning there was a plan to start exercising with a walk round the lake. Alas, snow put a stop to that as a fresh fall of snow over night has brought life to a standstill. No school buses, so boys at home, declaring that there will not be school tomorrow either as the snow is still falling, happy boys.
I feel a progress report on the kitchen floor is warrented as I have been working like a women possesed, with the help of a good friend. It is now at the final stage of sanding and looking good. Cannot wait to finish it, which hopefully will be the weekend.
By saturday afternoon the snow had started to disapear enough for me to ferry four of Max's team to their match, a sizeble win of 41 to 30 goals for Max's team. Max sustained a slight knee injury but after offside treatment with some magic foam stuff, and a bit of limping he was back on the pitch and fine.
Last friday was a little stressful and very frustrating to say the least, I will now explain why so many people work on the black in France. They have to, is one simple answer. As a self employed person for five years now, I seem to be somewhat of a problem. If I had a "Proper Job" i.e with a salary, then they wouldnt have a problem topping up my income, the same as tax credits in england. They have my tax forms for the year, they know my income, they have nearly every peice of paperwork fotocopied at least twice. But they will not continue financial help on a regular basis, they give me six months then it comes to an end and i have to start the whole process all over again. To start with there were three reasons why they couldnt help me. 1st: I had'nt been here five years, 2nd: I am English and I must have endless money in a uk bank somewhere, or I must have some family member who could keep us! 3rd I have a small bussiness and so its all to difficult to access my needs. The first time i asked for help they turned me down, a year later I tried again and after a struggle did finally get it. Then it sudenly stopped after six months,after endless phone calls we eventually got someone who thought that I was given a six month payment as a one off. Great! and after that? This six months bussiness has happend twice now, the last time was five months ago. Since then they have just payed me the family allowance which is 120€ a month while they deal with my claim. So how does one live on this while they deal with the claim, well its impossible of course, and if you find other work you are supposed to declaire it, that would mean putting in a whole new claim. And how long would that take? My Bussiness is seasonal so there is little income at the moment, zero this week because of the weather, but I still have to pay 150€ a month to the state each month just to be in bussiness.
So back to the story. Last friday morning I had an appointment with my social worker about the ever growing mountain of unpaid bills and length of time it is taking to deal with my case. In the post that morning brought a letter saying that my six months period of financial help has now come to an end, even though they have yet to pay me any thing. Although letters in French do sometimes baffle me I got the gist of this one. As I sat waiting for my appointment and for my friend to arrive, who speaks fluent French, without who I dont think I would have got this far.I sit with tears rolling down my face, feeling a complete twit as I cannot stop crying. When we get to see the social worker, she also is exasperated and frustrated with the situation and makes a few calls. Her advice to me is as before, I have to close my market stall down and be unimployed, then the benefit will just be paid on a regular basis. unless I do this the same thing will carry on happening. She sent us off to another place where I could get 30€ in cheques. These can be used in a particular supermarket and only on energy. So I continue to wait and try not to worry about unpaid bills. Maybe if we run out of wood I could make a fire with them!
Saturday evening we were cellebrating Thanks Giving with friends, as Lisa is American this is a very special day for her. So an effort was made to dress up, the boys put on there waistcoats, George's has the American Flag on his so it was quite appropriate, Max even wore a tie. We all gave thanks for something of the last year. My thanks go to all my good friends who have helped and supported me over the last year. George gave thanks for the dessert, of which he ate lots!
So another week has passed in a flash, I cannot believe how fast life goes and Xmas just around the corner. This morning there was a plan to start exercising with a walk round the lake. Alas, snow put a stop to that as a fresh fall of snow over night has brought life to a standstill. No school buses, so boys at home, declaring that there will not be school tomorrow either as the snow is still falling, happy boys.
I feel a progress report on the kitchen floor is warrented as I have been working like a women possesed, with the help of a good friend. It is now at the final stage of sanding and looking good. Cannot wait to finish it, which hopefully will be the weekend.
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