Been having a few thoughts about this time of year. Christmas is always fun for me, love it, full of good cheer as they say, and I usually am. However this year I am finding it hard to shine through my sadness. Its seems we can battle on regardless of what life throws at us all year round. But then christmas arrives and with it come all thoughts of people who are not here to share it with us. Firstly, thoughts of my son Mark, this will be the second Christmas now since he died. Although I know he is still with me, I am sad he is not in our world anymore.He was such a treasure, and I loved going back to old home to visit him just before christmas. Dont have to do that now, there's a big space there where that was supposed to happen. Things change and we learn to move on, but I still miss him.
Then there is my husband, or ex as I suppose he is now.where the hell do I put all that sadness, and still put a smile on my face. I think of all the christmas passed and it just makes me sad. that it had to come to an end.
.He is coming here for a few days at christmas to see the boys. God only know how I feel about that.mixed feeling.
Why do people have to split up, its a question that seems to be up for dicussion a lot of late.
We debate weather what we have is really what we want, weather we should have something more,or better. And then we spend endless hours wondering what we are going to do about it. Then there are other peoples opinions, which shouldnt matter, but does. I said to a friend the other day, there really are no rules in a marriage, there really is no right way to do it. I think its like a pair of scales.sometimes it balances and other times it does'nt, and when it doesnt balance,is there enough to carry it?should we carry it? umm I'm sure lots of you will have an opinion on that.
Sunday 12 December 2010
Thursday 2 December 2010
Winter Arrives
This last week has seen winter arrive very swiftly. Last friday saw our first fall of snow, much to the delight of the young ones. George stayed over night at a friends house as handball practice was abandoned.
By saturday afternoon the snow had started to disapear enough for me to ferry four of Max's team to their match, a sizeble win of 41 to 30 goals for Max's team. Max sustained a slight knee injury but after offside treatment with some magic foam stuff, and a bit of limping he was back on the pitch and fine.
Last friday was a little stressful and very frustrating to say the least, I will now explain why so many people work on the black in France. They have to, is one simple answer. As a self employed person for five years now, I seem to be somewhat of a problem. If I had a "Proper Job" i.e with a salary, then they wouldnt have a problem topping up my income, the same as tax credits in england. They have my tax forms for the year, they know my income, they have nearly every peice of paperwork fotocopied at least twice. But they will not continue financial help on a regular basis, they give me six months then it comes to an end and i have to start the whole process all over again. To start with there were three reasons why they couldnt help me. 1st: I had'nt been here five years, 2nd: I am English and I must have endless money in a uk bank somewhere, or I must have some family member who could keep us! 3rd I have a small bussiness and so its all to difficult to access my needs. The first time i asked for help they turned me down, a year later I tried again and after a struggle did finally get it. Then it sudenly stopped after six months,after endless phone calls we eventually got someone who thought that I was given a six month payment as a one off. Great! and after that? This six months bussiness has happend twice now, the last time was five months ago. Since then they have just payed me the family allowance which is 120€ a month while they deal with my claim. So how does one live on this while they deal with the claim, well its impossible of course, and if you find other work you are supposed to declaire it, that would mean putting in a whole new claim. And how long would that take? My Bussiness is seasonal so there is little income at the moment, zero this week because of the weather, but I still have to pay 150€ a month to the state each month just to be in bussiness.
So back to the story. Last friday morning I had an appointment with my social worker about the ever growing mountain of unpaid bills and length of time it is taking to deal with my case. In the post that morning brought a letter saying that my six months period of financial help has now come to an end, even though they have yet to pay me any thing. Although letters in French do sometimes baffle me I got the gist of this one. As I sat waiting for my appointment and for my friend to arrive, who speaks fluent French, without who I dont think I would have got this far.I sit with tears rolling down my face, feeling a complete twit as I cannot stop crying. When we get to see the social worker, she also is exasperated and frustrated with the situation and makes a few calls. Her advice to me is as before, I have to close my market stall down and be unimployed, then the benefit will just be paid on a regular basis. unless I do this the same thing will carry on happening. She sent us off to another place where I could get 30€ in cheques. These can be used in a particular supermarket and only on energy. So I continue to wait and try not to worry about unpaid bills. Maybe if we run out of wood I could make a fire with them!
Saturday evening we were cellebrating Thanks Giving with friends, as Lisa is American this is a very special day for her. So an effort was made to dress up, the boys put on there waistcoats, George's has the American Flag on his so it was quite appropriate, Max even wore a tie. We all gave thanks for something of the last year. My thanks go to all my good friends who have helped and supported me over the last year. George gave thanks for the dessert, of which he ate lots!
So another week has passed in a flash, I cannot believe how fast life goes and Xmas just around the corner. This morning there was a plan to start exercising with a walk round the lake. Alas, snow put a stop to that as a fresh fall of snow over night has brought life to a standstill. No school buses, so boys at home, declaring that there will not be school tomorrow either as the snow is still falling, happy boys.
I feel a progress report on the kitchen floor is warrented as I have been working like a women possesed, with the help of a good friend. It is now at the final stage of sanding and looking good. Cannot wait to finish it, which hopefully will be the weekend.
By saturday afternoon the snow had started to disapear enough for me to ferry four of Max's team to their match, a sizeble win of 41 to 30 goals for Max's team. Max sustained a slight knee injury but after offside treatment with some magic foam stuff, and a bit of limping he was back on the pitch and fine.
Last friday was a little stressful and very frustrating to say the least, I will now explain why so many people work on the black in France. They have to, is one simple answer. As a self employed person for five years now, I seem to be somewhat of a problem. If I had a "Proper Job" i.e with a salary, then they wouldnt have a problem topping up my income, the same as tax credits in england. They have my tax forms for the year, they know my income, they have nearly every peice of paperwork fotocopied at least twice. But they will not continue financial help on a regular basis, they give me six months then it comes to an end and i have to start the whole process all over again. To start with there were three reasons why they couldnt help me. 1st: I had'nt been here five years, 2nd: I am English and I must have endless money in a uk bank somewhere, or I must have some family member who could keep us! 3rd I have a small bussiness and so its all to difficult to access my needs. The first time i asked for help they turned me down, a year later I tried again and after a struggle did finally get it. Then it sudenly stopped after six months,after endless phone calls we eventually got someone who thought that I was given a six month payment as a one off. Great! and after that? This six months bussiness has happend twice now, the last time was five months ago. Since then they have just payed me the family allowance which is 120€ a month while they deal with my claim. So how does one live on this while they deal with the claim, well its impossible of course, and if you find other work you are supposed to declaire it, that would mean putting in a whole new claim. And how long would that take? My Bussiness is seasonal so there is little income at the moment, zero this week because of the weather, but I still have to pay 150€ a month to the state each month just to be in bussiness.
So back to the story. Last friday morning I had an appointment with my social worker about the ever growing mountain of unpaid bills and length of time it is taking to deal with my case. In the post that morning brought a letter saying that my six months period of financial help has now come to an end, even though they have yet to pay me any thing. Although letters in French do sometimes baffle me I got the gist of this one. As I sat waiting for my appointment and for my friend to arrive, who speaks fluent French, without who I dont think I would have got this far.I sit with tears rolling down my face, feeling a complete twit as I cannot stop crying. When we get to see the social worker, she also is exasperated and frustrated with the situation and makes a few calls. Her advice to me is as before, I have to close my market stall down and be unimployed, then the benefit will just be paid on a regular basis. unless I do this the same thing will carry on happening. She sent us off to another place where I could get 30€ in cheques. These can be used in a particular supermarket and only on energy. So I continue to wait and try not to worry about unpaid bills. Maybe if we run out of wood I could make a fire with them!
Saturday evening we were cellebrating Thanks Giving with friends, as Lisa is American this is a very special day for her. So an effort was made to dress up, the boys put on there waistcoats, George's has the American Flag on his so it was quite appropriate, Max even wore a tie. We all gave thanks for something of the last year. My thanks go to all my good friends who have helped and supported me over the last year. George gave thanks for the dessert, of which he ate lots!
So another week has passed in a flash, I cannot believe how fast life goes and Xmas just around the corner. This morning there was a plan to start exercising with a walk round the lake. Alas, snow put a stop to that as a fresh fall of snow over night has brought life to a standstill. No school buses, so boys at home, declaring that there will not be school tomorrow either as the snow is still falling, happy boys.
I feel a progress report on the kitchen floor is warrented as I have been working like a women possesed, with the help of a good friend. It is now at the final stage of sanding and looking good. Cannot wait to finish it, which hopefully will be the weekend.
Thursday 25 November 2010
Typical Wednesday
Yeasterday was how my Wednesdays usually go, with a few unexpected
sightings! Wednesday is my local market day in Piegut. Its about 6k away
from where I live, so not to much of an early start.
Up at 6.30am, as I do like to have a moment of peace before I start yelling
up the stairs trying to get the boys up. To be fair Max is up in a flash,
George is a different story and requires a number of requests! I say
requests, as only last year it was pointed out by my son Matthew, now 26,
that the manor in which I told him it was time to get up in the morning
filled him with dread. It was just the "tone", he said. I have practiced a
number of different tones, bareing his coments in mind, and still, yelling
and screaming seems to work best. After 28 years of getting kids up I now
think, what the hell, just get out of bed!
Anyway, after getting boys up,including one extra as they have a friend
staying over for a few days, we trundle of to the Market. Dropping them off
at college on the way as they start at 8am on wednesdays.
It's frosty cold now in the mornings. Nearly snowsuit weather. I think next
week it will have to come out of hibination.
It takes me about 20mins to unload my stall. I have a good place but
unloading can be tricky. For some reason big, huge, gigantic lorries wait
for a Wednesday to come through, and as I have to park to unload. It only
takes another market trader on the other side of the road and we have a stand off. Soon there can be quite a
trafffic jam occurring. Best move is not to make eye contact with said
lorry drivers.
It's very quiet this time of year. Not really worth me going but as it is
Local it becomes more of a social. Also, some friends have a bistro right
opposite. Often I can be found sitting at the bar watching my stall
from inside. Even the Market boss knows to come find me in there to collect
the rent.
As I say not busy and I take a whopping 15€‚¬ . Just after I set up I visit
the charity shop where free food is given out every fortnight. Yes, this is
what it has come to!. But am not complaining. It all helps. I am still
waiting for some financial help to come through.4 months on and I am still
waiting. No doubt it will get sorted soon but France is very slow with
Paperwork. My take on this is, that they want 'so' much paperwork that it
takes them months to file and sort it, and lose it!
My morning fininshed about 1pm. George then rings to say the sports teacher
won't let him go to UNNS ( after school sport on Wednsday afternoon). Sports
teacher is being pedantic, nothing new. So George walks to join me pack up
with his mate, who then comes for the afternoon. Max has gone on the
sports, his face fits today!
The afternoon finds me back on my hands and knees srapeing cement off my
kitchen floor. With the help of a friend, I decided to take the lino up off
the wooden floor. Great idea! or it will be once its finished.
Max phones to say 5.15 pick up- great- stop doing the floor. Off we go to
pick up Max, drop off friend, and on to my friend Lisa and Mags for dinner.
On the way it gets a little hairy, first, there is the biggest stag we have
ever seen right next to the road. As we zoom by, I say a sillent thank you
that he stayed there and didnt run out. Next we encounter a wild boar who
did run out! Brakes on and thankfully we missed him. A loud 'Whow' came from
George followed by ,"whats next?". Thankfully no more encounters and we
arrived safely at our desdination and had a very enjoyable evening.
sightings! Wednesday is my local market day in Piegut. Its about 6k away
from where I live, so not to much of an early start.
Up at 6.30am, as I do like to have a moment of peace before I start yelling
up the stairs trying to get the boys up. To be fair Max is up in a flash,
George is a different story and requires a number of requests! I say
requests, as only last year it was pointed out by my son Matthew, now 26,
that the manor in which I told him it was time to get up in the morning
filled him with dread. It was just the "tone", he said. I have practiced a
number of different tones, bareing his coments in mind, and still, yelling
and screaming seems to work best. After 28 years of getting kids up I now
think, what the hell, just get out of bed!
Anyway, after getting boys up,including one extra as they have a friend
staying over for a few days, we trundle of to the Market. Dropping them off
at college on the way as they start at 8am on wednesdays.
It's frosty cold now in the mornings. Nearly snowsuit weather. I think next
week it will have to come out of hibination.
It takes me about 20mins to unload my stall. I have a good place but
unloading can be tricky. For some reason big, huge, gigantic lorries wait
for a Wednesday to come through, and as I have to park to unload. It only
takes another market trader on the other side of the road and we have a stand off. Soon there can be quite a
trafffic jam occurring. Best move is not to make eye contact with said
lorry drivers.
It's very quiet this time of year. Not really worth me going but as it is
Local it becomes more of a social. Also, some friends have a bistro right
opposite. Often I can be found sitting at the bar watching my stall
from inside. Even the Market boss knows to come find me in there to collect
the rent.
As I say not busy and I take a whopping 15€‚¬ . Just after I set up I visit
the charity shop where free food is given out every fortnight. Yes, this is
what it has come to!. But am not complaining. It all helps. I am still
waiting for some financial help to come through.4 months on and I am still
waiting. No doubt it will get sorted soon but France is very slow with
Paperwork. My take on this is, that they want 'so' much paperwork that it
takes them months to file and sort it, and lose it!
My morning fininshed about 1pm. George then rings to say the sports teacher
won't let him go to UNNS ( after school sport on Wednsday afternoon). Sports
teacher is being pedantic, nothing new. So George walks to join me pack up
with his mate, who then comes for the afternoon. Max has gone on the
sports, his face fits today!
The afternoon finds me back on my hands and knees srapeing cement off my
kitchen floor. With the help of a friend, I decided to take the lino up off
the wooden floor. Great idea! or it will be once its finished.
Max phones to say 5.15 pick up- great- stop doing the floor. Off we go to
pick up Max, drop off friend, and on to my friend Lisa and Mags for dinner.
On the way it gets a little hairy, first, there is the biggest stag we have
ever seen right next to the road. As we zoom by, I say a sillent thank you
that he stayed there and didnt run out. Next we encounter a wild boar who
did run out! Brakes on and thankfully we missed him. A loud 'Whow' came from
George followed by ,"whats next?". Thankfully no more encounters and we
arrived safely at our desdination and had a very enjoyable evening.
Tuesday 23 November 2010
OMG! I'm really on here!!
Yikes! Where do I begin? guess I will just jump in with both feet as usual. I have started this blog for a number of reasons. Firstly I have a passion to write,my life always seems like I'm on a rollercoaster, going up and down,never still, and never boreing!sometimes quite hillarious, othertimes desperatly sad.
Secondly, I have recently separated from my husband of 17years, so am now venturing out on a whole new chaptre of my life, its scary!! but also exciting, once I get past the sadness.
Another reason to write is, that I find just the everyday life is fasinating and interesting, and so many friends over the years have told me to write it down, so this is the begining. First lesson, getting in and out of this blog!!
Secondly, I have recently separated from my husband of 17years, so am now venturing out on a whole new chaptre of my life, its scary!! but also exciting, once I get past the sadness.
Another reason to write is, that I find just the everyday life is fasinating and interesting, and so many friends over the years have told me to write it down, so this is the begining. First lesson, getting in and out of this blog!!
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