Seasonal thoughts

Been having a few thoughts about this time of year. Christmas is always fun for me, love it, full of good cheer as they say, and I usually am. However this year I am finding it hard to shine through my sadness. Its seems we can battle on regardless of what life throws at us all year round. But then christmas arrives and with it come all thoughts of people who are not here to share it with us. Firstly, thoughts of my son Mark, this will be the second Christmas now since he died. Although I know he is still with me, I am sad he is not in our world anymore.He was such a treasure, and I loved going back to old home to visit him just before christmas. Dont have to do that now, there's a big space there where that was supposed to happen. Things change and we learn to move on, but I still miss him.

Then there is my husband, or ex as I suppose he is now.where the hell do I put all that sadness, and still put a smile on my face. I think of all the christmas passed and it just makes me sad. that it had to come to an end.
.He is coming here for a few days at christmas to see the boys. God only know how I feel about that.mixed feeling.
Why do people have to split up, its a question that seems to be up for dicussion a lot of late.
We debate weather what we have is really what we want, weather we should have something more,or better. And then we spend endless hours wondering what we are going to do about it. Then there are other peoples opinions, which shouldnt matter, but does. I said to a friend the other day, there really are no rules in a marriage, there really is no right way to do it. I think its like a pair of scales.sometimes it balances and other times it does'nt, and when it doesnt balance,is there enough to carry it?should we carry it? umm I'm sure lots of you will have an opinion on that.